walk with me as i walk with Him
I went to our campus ministry’s spring retreat this past weekend. my decision was made after much internal debate; i was going, then i wasn’t, then i went! i had initially gone with the intention of just seeing a new retreat center and experiencing, well, a RETREAT from the world and all of its distractions.
What i got out of it was quite an amazing and humbling experience. we had class time and even though we had only ten students from the sophomore class at the retreat, i am really happy to say that it was a success. i feel like i’m always a little awkward at these things because i’m a poop at conversation, but i was talking to two of my friends about small groups in our ministry and really had a lot to say.
That night of prayer really humbled my heart. as i just said, the topic of small groups was on my mind. my first experience in any type of small group hasn’t been the greatest experience. from my interpretation of how one should be, i should feel able to be completely vulnerable with my brothers. this just hasn’t been the case as there has always been a bit of awkwardness at small group; a bit of flat joking around mixed with Bible study. so during prayer i somewhat reluctantly reached out to a small group brother since my small group leader was leading praise. i told him how i really want our small group to be able to grow and be really accountable and comfortable with each other. he explained some conflicts he had and we proceeded to pray. it seemed as though this was a hard topic though as he seemed closed and he went to talk to an older brother right afterwards. though im not a hundred percent sure if his conflict was the reason, he began bawling soon after.
I kind of felt offended that he was able to be vulnerable with someone else, but then i thought again, this is the problem with our small group. he broke down so readily to someone else, but couldn’t do so with me. i want to be close to this brother and the other two brothers in my small group. i want my small group leader to be able to transparent for us. i want to be able to help them and for them to help me.
Does that sound prideful or selfish? that i want the attention and burdens of my brothers upon my shoulders? that i thought it unfair for a brother to ignore my readiness? it might be. but then again, why else am i here but to help him and others?
This is my conviction: remove conflict and create growth within my small group. create an environment that my brothers delight to join me in and don’t make excuses to avoid. i just want brothers that i can rely on.
“And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners…”
I’ve been reading through Deuteronomy, and this verse seems relevant right now. I think that ultimately, the only person that has been in our heart from the start is Jesus, God. Everyone else is just a foreigner, someone threatening that security that we think we have. But when we open up our hearts to these new people, we realize that they are our brothers and sisters, part of the same nation and connected by the propitiation of Jesus Christ on the cross. When we realize this, then I think we will be able to be comfortable and vulnerable with anyone who enters into our heart.
See Post #retreat #kccc #small group #conviction #deuteronomy #deuteronomy 10:19 #God #jesus #jesus christ #christ #Amen #love #conflict #heart #brothers #accountability #vulnerable #comfortable #trust #transparency
this whole break has just been such a wonderful encouragement on my walk.
colombia was fun! i admit it was a bit of a worldly pleasure, but at the same time I prayed and read more than usual so that was nice.
vision was so refreshing! i learned so much through prayer, sermons, and people! every encounter was really a blessing.
my aacc internship retreat was really eye-opening too. i really met a lot of beautiful people and grew close to my intern family!
finally one thing that was encouraging was God answering one of my prayers. I had been very apprehensive in coming home to my high school friends because I was wondering how they would react to my recent transformation. God really blessed me with beautiful people surrounding me though. I got a phone call from one of my friends who read this tumblr and wanted to know more about my thoughts! :O and as I was hanging out with two other friends tonight, they engaged me in a lot of conversation. they were genuinely curious about Christianity, and though I couldn’t answer everything, it was nice to be honest and not guarded!
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus
how true this has been.